Wednesday, November 13, 2013

dog songs

Last night our mom and dad took us to Chick-Fil-A, and the drive-thru guy was like THOSE DOGS ARE SO FUNNY YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE THEIR EYES and we said THANKS GIRL then we realized… GIRL WE GOT FLUFFY AGAIN! Wut wut wut wut! And then we were like GIRL GIVE US SOME FRIES and then we were like OOPS YOU’RE NOT A GIRL SO WHY DO WE KEEP SAYING THAT? and he was all “It’s cool,” and Dad was like “stop sniffing my chocolate milkshake,” and Mom was like I WROTE A SONG:

Le de da de de
We are so fluffy
Can’t see anything
Barking at whatever we waaaant
This is our fur
This is our frizz
And it can’t stop…
And it won’t stop…
Can’t you see it’s we under these coats
Can’t you see it’s we behind these fros
Yeah yeah

One time Mom was having a big fat terrible day, and she was all “If I can just get home and eat my Cinnamon Toast Crunch I can successfully evade a nervous breakdown.” Then she got home and saw the cereal box on the floor all big fat empty, and that’s when she realized we had developed opposable thumbs that allowed us to open the brand new box and devour all the insides without making any mess. We thought she’d be proud, but she was flung herself onto the floor all MY LIFE IS RUINED AND I’LL NEVER GET OVER IT and we were like “yikes, drama.” And then she sobbed all the tears and wrote this song:

           They came in like a wrecking ball
           Ate up all the cereal
           All I wanted was to beat my dogs
           Uzi wre-e-ecked me
           Ebbie wre-e-ecked me

Finally we were like LOOK MOM STOP RIPPING OFF OUR GIRL MILEY, K? and she was like YOU PUPS ARE TOO YOUNG TO LISTEN TO MILEY YOU BETTER STOP and we were like WHO DO YOU THINK PLAYS THE RADIO FOR US and she was like “don’t tell Dad.”

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