Thursday, October 3, 2013

secret life

While many students believe teachers live at school, Princess (based on this idea from Pinterest) convinced her students that she has a secret life, and she asked them to write about what they thought this secret life entailed. Most predictions included puppies, violence by cupcakes and/or spoons, sketchy white vans, and/or general grossness. So, yeah, Princess is concerned. A few memorable details:
  • “She’s been on My Strange Addiction. Her addiction was petting homeless people. She’s still addicted.”
  • “She lives in her parents’ basement and all her friends are stuffed animals.”
  • “Her husband Luke is a cow. Her dogs are the dictators of Cuba and Spain. Her mom and dad are owners of a queasy butter factory.”
  • “Every night Mrs. Saunders would dress up like a creepy clown and drive a white van that says ‘Free Puppies.’”
  • “Mrs. Saunders is Belle from Beauty and the Beast. The beast is her dog, Uzi. At midnight, Uzi turns into Luke. She reads books nonstop. Whenever she jumps into the nearby fountain, she lands in her 8th grade classroom.”
  • “Mrs. Saunders is secretly a blueberry. At midnight, when there’s a full moon, she wells up like a big purple ball.”
  • “Mrs. Saunders likes to kidnap children, and she puts them in cages made for birds. She only feeds them paint and crayons because she is trying to make a rainbow army.”
  • “The biggest secret of Mrs. Saunders’ life is that she actually has kids. She turned her children into dogs so she doesn’t have to send them to school. Her dogs are her children who just want to become humans again, but she put a spell on them.”
  • “Mrs. Saunders is an overweight hobo who robs donut stores. She is known for stealing all the donuts and running slowly away.”
  • “Her diet consists of cupcakes and poo; however, sometimes she devours puppies with plastic spoons.”
  • “I think when Mrs. Saunders is not at Briarcrest she likes to collect toenails.”
  • “She is nice when she doesn’t eat skin off of her toes. When she takes her shoes off it looks like she colored her feet red with a marker.”
  • “One time I saw Mrs. Saunders unpacking a big box from a truck. She opened the box and there stood a wardrobe. She opened the door and climbed in. When she did, I decided to go after her, thinking it was like Narnia. I climbed inside and found…Mrs. Saunders, crammed in a wardrobe, playing with Narnia toys. It was freaky because she was cutting off the toys’ heads with a spoon.”
  • “She sells old people’s band-aids on Craigslist.”
  • “She washes her hair with frosting and runs up and down the streets throwing cupcakes at people.”
  • “Mrs. Saunders has a jet that carries millions of puppies dress in poofy, frilly, neon prom dresses.”
P.S. All of these predictions are actually true.
P.S.S. This is Princess' 100th post. So she's wasted everyone's time on 100 different occasions. Go, Princess! (Please be my friend.)

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