Do you ever have that person in your life who just hates you for no reason? A dirty lying scoundrel who pretends to be your friend and then tells other people that you said something YOU CERTAINLY DID NOT SAY? Who sometimes purposefully gives you bad directions so that you end up late and looking a fool?
In celebration of the new iPhone, Princess felt this was the time to speak honestly about her relationship with Siri. In truth, Princess has been bullied and slandered. Siri puts words in her mouth that were never there and makes Princess look like an idiot in front of everyone. What about when Princess tried to say “What the heck??” and Siri changed it to “What the gecko??” THAT WAS WEIRD. WHAT THE GECKO, SIRI, YOU ARE CRAZY.
Sometimes Siri doesn’t understand you and she’s like, “YOU MEAN SNORBG” and you’re like “NO ONE EVER MEANS SNORBG ARE YOU INSANE. SNORBG IS NOT A THING.”
Sometimes Siri eavesdrops from inside your purse and hears you say “I’m hungry” so she’s like “HERE’S WHAT YOU NEED” and you’re like “SIRI MIND YOUR BUSINESS YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.”
Other times Siri is like “Do you want me to say that this girl is your husband?” and you’re like “SIRI WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.”
Other times she know you’re trying to text your best friend’s new mother-in-law and she totally sabotages the whole thing to say nonsensical grossness.
And then sometimes she just doesn’t listen at all and tries to tell people that your dog has melanoma and other weird stuff that doesn't make any sense. NO SIRI YOU ARE THE WORST.
In conclusion, if Siri was a real person, Princess would punch her in the face. The end.