Monday, July 8, 2013

how to have tons of friends

Want to have tons of friends and have everyone like you lots??? Here's how:
  1. Sing a lot. Like a lot, and make sure you are LOUD. Sing super cool songs like “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus and “Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus and pretty much anything by Miley Cyrus except for things she has sung while wearing white spandex. Also when you sing be sure to put your hand to your ear as often as possible and always ask “Was that good?” to anyone who is around you. Everyone loves someone who sings all the time, so get ready for lots of friends!!!!
  2. Take pictures of your food. All your food. THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE EATING, and it’s really unfair to not tell the world what they want to know. So put those pics up on Instagram, but don’t call it “Instagram,” call it “Insta.” Then call all your new cool friends for a party!!!!!
  3. Ask everyone if you’re skinny. Probably do it every five minutes. Like “Does this Oreo make me look skinny?” and “Uh oh, I better not stand next to that twig or I won’t look skinny” and then wait for them to tell you that you ARE skinny, even next to a twig. People love to give compliments as long as you keep reminding them to give them to you. Yay for tons of friends!!!
  4. Tap dance whenever you can. People loooove tap dancers!!!!!!!!! If you have real tap shoes, carry them with you, and always act like you just got back from a really intense tap lesson. Be sure to talk about it at length and give lots of details so people realize what a serious tapper you are. Time to make room in your life for more friends!!!!!!!!!!!!
  5. Give people lots of compliments, but always make it a little realistic so they don’t get too conceited. For example, if your friend wears her hair curly tell her, “I loooove it when you wear your hair straight because you look so pretty and it really tames the frizz.” That way, she’ll know her hair looks good sometimes, but she’ll also know that it doesn’t look good all the time and she won’t start walking around like she’s in a Garnier Fructise commercial. High five for being a great friend!!!
  6. Tell everyone the calories in everything they’re eating. No really, they want to know, and how will they know the truth if you don’t tell them? Friends tell the truth, even when it’s really rude and depressing and makes them want to throw their hamburger in the trash. What kind of person lets their friends enjoy hamburgers that could potentially ruin their life forever? Follow this convo up with the advice in #3, and then get ready for lots of people to love you lots!!!
  7. Whenever a potential friend starts to act superficial and say things like “I really want to buy those shoes,” follow up with comments that will remind them not to be so shallow, like “Oh well I really want to buy shoes for homeless people, so….” They’ll realize that you are a super-great and giving friend and want to hang out with you all the time!!!
The end. Let me know if you need more advice!!!!! LYLAS

No comments:

Post a Comment