Friday, June 28, 2013


A car conversation:

Princess: Have you seen that weird commercial for manly Depends?
Sister: WHAT.
Princess: Yeah, they are like pads but for leaky gentlemen.
Sister: What! No. What? No.
Princess: I didn’t even know that was a thing.
Sister: Stop talking.
Princess: Wouldn’t it be better for a guy to just buy pads and pretend like they’re for his wife?
Sister: Ah, incontinence.
Princess: Is that what that word means? I have always wondered.
Sister: You’d think it’d be continence.
Princess: I guess continence means you have it all together. Oh! Like a continent!
Sister: Pangaea.
Princess: YES, OH MY GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT PANGAEA. I love Pangaea. Once the plate tectonics kicked in, Pangaea became incontinent.
Sister: What’s the point of the “in”?
Princess: Oh that means “not”—like “invisible” means not visible.
Sister: Inanimate, not animate.
Princess: Indivisible—
Princess: Whatever, I bet you don’t even remember the pledge.
Sister: I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the …. Something for which it stands.
Princess: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. And to the republic
Sister: For which it stands! One nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
Princess: One nation UNDER GOD—the Baptists would kill you for that—with liberty and justice for all.
Sister: Okay, okay, sorry.
Princess: It’s okay. I only remember because I have to say it in homeroom every day, but even then I’m sometimes too sleepy to remember and have to watermelon it.
Sister: I know the whole “Star-Spangled Banner.”
Princess: Prove it.

Princess and Sister sing the entire national anthem, complete with solid (a.k.a. iffy) harmonies and Whitney Houston-inspired ending. They finish, and there is silence for about 10 seconds.

Princess: So… how did we end up singing?
Sister: Incontinence, continent, Pangaea, the prefix in-, indivisible, pledge of allegiance, “Star-Spangled Banner.”
Princess: Oh.

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