Saturday, May 4, 2013

donuts


Princess: AHHH!!! I’m late! It’s 7:00!!! Why didn’t my alarm go off!! 
Husband: murfrustutusummm 
Princess: Wait—what day is it?? WHAT DAY IS IT?? 
Husband: murfrustutSaturdayusummm 
Princess: Saturday?!?! 
Husband: mmmmhmmmmm 
Princess: Oh thank goodness. Oh gosh. Okay wow, yay, I love Saturdays. 
Husband: murfrustutusummmdonuts 
Princess: What? 
Husband: murrfurrrrIgonnagetdonuts 
Princess: Okay!! Should I come with you? 
Husband: Mmmmmmm… k 
Princess: Great!! 

Princess and Husband get into the car and head two minutes down the road to Sam’s donuts. Husband makes this exact trip every Saturday morning, but this is the first time Princess has ever accompanied him. She notices that although she is being her usual delightful, chatty self, and Husband is acting bear-like.

Princess: Should I stop talking?? You seem single-minded to the point of recklessness. 
Husband: I need donuts. 
Princess: Well, I mean you’ll have them in like 30 seconds. 
Husband: I wish you could see what was happening in my head right now. 
Princess: I think there are donuts with cartoon faces wearing tap shoes and making jazz hands. 
Husband: Yes. 

At Sam’s donuts: 


Husband: Tell them what you want. 
Princess: Yeah, but I’m not sure yet. I need to look. 
Husband: TELL THEM. 
Princess: I just need a minute. 

Wide-eyed and filled with resentment, Husband turns to the cashier: 
INEEDTHREEBAVAIRANCREAMFILLEDECLAIRSANDABANANAFRITTERANDTWOCHOCOLATEMILKS. 

Princess: Oh I don’t want a chocolate milk. 
Husband: I didn’t order for you. 
Princess: Oh. Yikes. 

Princess orders a peanut butter donut and a blueberry cake donut, and the two leave the store. 

On the ride home: 

Princess: Do you want a donut? 
Husband: I DON’T EAT THEM UNTIL I GET ON MAYNARD. 
Princess: Okay… (waits 1.5 seconds) 
Husband: OKAY WE’RE ON MAYNARD NOW I NEED A DONUT. 
Princess: Okay… 
Husband: GIVE ME THAT DONUT. 

With a vigor that defies logic and Princess’ capacity for description, Husband eats three Bavarian cream filled éclairs and chugs two bottles of chocolate milk before the pair arrives home two minutes later. 

At home: 

Princess: Now that we’re up, do you want to run that errand we discussed?
Husband: NO! Now I have to sleep. 
Princess: Why? 
Husband: BECAUSE I FEEL FUNNY. 
Princess: Well yeah, you ate three cream-filled éclairs. 
Husband: I KNOW. 
Princess: Do you want your banana fritter? 
Husband: NO THAT’S FOR WHEN I WAKE UP!!! (Eye roll.) 
Princess: Okay, sorry. 

Princess has decided to no longer accompany her husband on his Saturday morning donut outings.

No comments:

Post a Comment