Tuesday, April 23, 2013

the twisted tale of bonkers the cat


There was one a strange little girl named Beatrice (name has been changed to protect the traumatized). Beatrice loved wolves, lisps, and most of all, her kitty, Bonkers. Bonkers was fluffy, soft, and mildly wolf-like, so naturally Beatrice adored Bonkers with every ounce of her tiny little frame. Bonkers and Beatrice were the best of friends, cuddling, playing with yarn, and sharing their deepest secrets. Beatrice’s favorite times were when she could stare into Bonkers’ eyes, which she was certain were full of admiration for her, scoop the tiny ball of fluff into her hands, and shower her with kitty kisses, or whisper gently, “You’re my only friend.” 

One day, Bonkers was playing in the dining room, just minding her own Bonkers business, like “yeah yeah yeah meow I’m a cat meow meow gimme some tuna I like to scratch becuz I’m BONKERS!” (Who knows what really goes on in the mind of a cat named Bonkers?) Bonkers was having the time of her life in that dining room, lounging, meowing, scratching, casting condescending glances at random, and just generally being a cat. That’s when things got truly bonkers. We don’t want to go into detail, but a dining room table leaf landed on Bonkers the cat, who was instantly reincarnated as Bonkers the pancake. 

Barring an inconsolable Beatrice from the room, Beatrice’s mom scraped the Bonkers pancake gently off of the floor with a spatula and somberly bade her farewell. Beatrice melted into a puddle of tears. In her journal, she wrote dark poetry that mourned the loss of her bestie and revealed her yearning to become a wolf so that she would no longer feel the pain of a broken heart. 

Today, adult Beatrice heard someone say, “That is totally bonkers,” and she cried. 

The end. 

In other news, Princess has been looking for opportunities to incorporate the word “bonkers” into her verbiage, and this post has been most helpful.

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