Tuesday, March 26, 2013


If Tuesday were a person, she would be the quiet girl in the back that everyone forgets about. The one that you look at like, “You’re still here?” She has mousy brown hair, and you stepped on her in the hallway in high school but didn’t realize it. She’s hated you ever since. If someone mentions her name, you say, “She sounds vaguely familiar, but I just can’t place her.” 

Other days are different. We allow Mondays to push us around, Wednesdays we celebrate our halfway point, and Thursdays, we’re all “YAYYYY you’re not Friday, but you’re close, so we accept you!” But Tuesday…Tuesday is that shriveled up house plant you keep forgetting to water. She’s overlooked, and she’s angry. 

Once Tuesday’s presence is recognized, everyone is like “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO we thought it was Wednesday!!!!” and Tuesday’s face burns red with fury and shame. The world wants to shove her out of the way. She’s mercilessly bullied, the doormat of the days. But she refuses. She stamps her feet and screams, “I’M HERE AND I WILL NOT BE OVERLOOKED!” Everyone stares for a second, and then continues on with their business, trying to avoid eye contact. But soon everyone is annoyed again: Tuesday breathes too loud. Tuesday smells funny. Tuesday wears horse t-shirts. 

Once, Princess was speaking to a quiet person that she underestimated, and she accidentally made him mad. He glared at her in silence as he broke a pencil with one hand. She backed away slowly, like, “We’ve got a Tuesday on our hands.” Tuesday is a loose cannon. 

Tuesday, Princess wants to be different from the masses. She wants to appreciate you for the beautiful day that you are. She wants to celebrate you and redeem you by inventing things like “Tap-Dancin’ Tuesday” and “Tickle Fight Tuesday.” She wants to make you feel like you belong. But here’s the thing: You are breathing too loud. You smell funny. We are ready to be done with this week, and you need to tap dance on out of here.

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