Prosecuting Attorney: Princess, how long had you known Miss Nancy Bobo?
Princess: Seven years, sir.
Prosecuting Attorney: That’s a long time.
Princess: Yes, sir.
Prosecuting Attorney: Describe the nature of your relationship with Miss Bobo.
Princess: Well, sir, it was a very good relationship. I loved her very much. She was the most beautiful blender I’ve ever seen, and she was a birthday gift from friends.
Prosecuting Attorney: Princess, is it true that you have made the comment on multiple occasions that you hate cleaning blenders?
Princess: Um. Yes I suppose I have said that.
Prosecuting Attorney: Explain why you would say that.
Princess: Well, it’s just that there are so many parts to a blender…I find cleaning them to be a bit difficult.
Prosecuting Attorney: I see. So you viewed Miss Bobo as a difficulty.
Princess: No sir! I mean, I suppose I view all blenders as a difficulty.
Prosecuting Attorney: So you are prejudice against all blenders, then.
Defense Attorney: Objection! Speculation.
Princess: I meant to say that it's a difficulty that certainly worth it since smoothies and milkshakes are delicious!
Prosecuting Attorney: Indeed. Princess, did you clean Miss Bobo well each time you used her?
Princess: Um. Well. I mean, probably not. But if I could go back and change that I would!
Prosecuting Attorney: I see. Tell me, Princess, do you consider yourself a good friend?
Princess: Yes sir, I do.
Prosecuting Attorney: In your opinion, do good friends abandon one another?
Princess: No sir.
Prosecuting Attorney: Then can you explain to me why Miss Bobo was left at your parents’ house during the first five years of your marriage?
Princess: Yes sir, I can! My husband and I were house-sitting… and it was only supposed to be for a year, so we didn’t bring any of our appliances! However, one year turned into more, and we weren’t in our own house for the first five years.
Prosecuting Attorney: I see. So did you make any milkshakes or smoothies during that time?
Princess: …Yes. Yes I did.
Prosecuting Attorney: And how did you make these delicious treats if your dear friend Miss Bobo was miles away at your parents’ house?
Princess: I used another blender.
[The audience gasps.]
Princess: I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Prosecuting Attorney: Please do.
Princess: Well, we didn’t move our own appliances into the house because many appliances were already there. I used the blender that was already in the house.
Prosecuting Attorney: And does that make it right?
Princess: No sir, it doesn’t! I would change things if I could!
Prosecuting Attorney: Princess, you are married, are you not?
Princess: Yes sir, I am.
Prosecuting Attorney: And if your husband is elsewhere, do you consider whatever male is present to be your husband?
Princess: Absolutely not! I would never do that! I love him!
Prosecuting Attorney: Yes, and we have also heard you say that you loved Miss Bobo.
Princess: Forgive me, sir, but do you think that my relationship with my husband and my blender can be compared?
Prosecuting Attorney: “He who can be trusted with little can be trusted with much,” Princess. It’s in the Bible. You should read it.
Prosecuting Attorney: That’s an interesting response for a Christian who claims to have loved Miss Nancy Bobo so dearly.
[The Prosecuting Attorney turns to face the judge.]
Prosecuting Attorney: Your honor, I propose that Miss Bobo’s death was not an accident as Princess would have us believe. I believe that Princess maliciously and purposefully dropped Miss Bobo’s non-shatter proof frame onto the tile floor in cold blood!
Princess awakes in a cold sweat, screaming.
This post is angrily dedicated to Princess' husband who has accused her of murdering Miss Nancy Bobo because he knows she has a problem with guilt and personification and likes to frustrate her.