Monday, March 18, 2013

a eulogy

Tragedy has struck the royal household. Irony has struck the royal household. The Princess mourns. 

Today Princess has been battling a stomach bug. She finally felt better this afternoon and ventured to Wal-Mart, where she never fails to select the wobbly cart. She spent quite a bit of time navigating the wobbly cart and procuring the proper ingredients for the mint smoothie she was craving after 24 hour saltine diet, which was not so much a diet as an everything-makes-me-feel-nauseous-and-DO-NOT-mention-Taco-Bell predicament.

Wal-Mart was out of several necessary ingredients for this particular smoothie, so after buying ingredients for several other smoothies, Princess tries again at Kroger. No luck at Kroger. Princess travels to Fresh Market. She is exhausted because she has not had anything to eat, so she asks for help. Fresh Market has two of the remaining ingredients, but not the third. Princess finally gives up and goes home, determined to make the smoothie work without peppermint extract, which is admittedly the entire essence of the mint smoothie. Princess opens her cabinet, and what does she see? Peppermint extract! “My how lovely and yet mildly frustrating to have the very ingredient I've been searching the ends of the earth for!” Princess says with feigned glee. 

“Ingredients, assemble!” Princess proclaims, as she visualizes the dancing eggs and cake batter from Sleeping Beauty. 

Once the ingredients are assembled (this required help from Princess as her food is not as magical as she would like), Princess opens the lower cabinet. 

“Why hello, Miss Nancy Bobo!” she greets her beloved pink blender. “How I have missed you! Come now, we shall make a healthy shamrock shake! Methinks the green will look lovely against your blushing pink skin!” 

Princess lifts Miss Nancy Bobo up with the uttermost care, and then watches as she begins to wobble.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Princess gasps in slow motion. Miss Nancy Bobo tumbles to the floor. 

Smash. 

Miss Nancy Bobo lies in pieces. Princess looks down to see her hand is sliced open, as is her heart.


“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Princess mourns without dignity. She bandages her hand and googles: Replacement parts for KitchenAid Blender. 

Parts no longer available...

The manufacturer has discontinued this item...

No substitute part exists...

“Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

Princess mourns without dignity. Princess' stomach growls, and her heart hurts. There will be no more smoothies.

A eulogy for Miss Nancy Bobo: 

Here lies Miss Nancy Bobo, the most beautiful of blenders. 
With every whirl and churn, Miss Nancy Bobo made the world a smoother place. 
A moment on our counters, forever in our hearts.


Miss Nancy Bobo, 2006 - 2013
UPDATE: Miss Nancy Bobo lives!! Husband bought replacement parts on eBay. But then Princess broke those. But then he bought more. So we're good now.

1 comment: