Wednesday, February 20, 2013

the jan phenomenon

Last night while discussing Downton Abbey (!!!!!!!), the following comment was made: “Poor Edith. She’s such a Jan.” 

This statement was packed with so much truth that it smacked Princess right in the face. Princess dressed up as Jan Brady for Halloween one year after she became moderately famous for perfecting Jan’s dumb swingy-haired walk, and she feels that this makes her an expert on what she has dubbed “The Jan Phenomenon.” You see, everyone’s reaction to Jan is the same—like “oh poor thing, she is the clear reject of the group.” And the more Princess thinks about the Jans of the world, the more she realizes that every group has that one person—the person that you somewhat pity, and yet you also kind of want her to move to Switzerland or at least stop standing so close to you. This one person is the motivation behind the classic southern statement, “Bless her heart.” Like, “She breathes really loud, bless her heart.” Or, “She really loves her denim jacket, bless her heart.” She’s the person you tried to be really nice to in middle school because you didn’t want her to feel left out, but then she called you every day for a year and started dressing like you, and you had no idea how to handle it.

Princess has compiled the following list of Jans: 

  1. Edith 
  2. Spottie Dottie 
  3. Jessie Spano 
  4. The thimble in Monopoly 
  5. Claire Danes/Beth in Little Women 
  6. Molly, the American Girl doll 
  7. Mallory from Baby-sitters Club 
  8. Kimmy Gibbler 
  9. Howie from the Back Street Boys, Chris from NSYNC, and Justin Jeffre, also known as the only one whose name Princess can't remember and more importantly, THE ONLY ONE NOT PICTURED ON A SIMPLE GOOGLE SEARCH:


10. Also, this person, who posted the most depressing paragraph of all time on Ask.com: 

“I am really low on money the for christmas season this year and was thinking of selling some of my beanie baby's. I have over 200 most who are from the early 90's, they all still have their tags on and are in good condition. Does anyone know which ones sell for the most or know a website that list the rarest one?? Thanks!” 

Sad day. Where has this Jan been to even ask such a question—and on Ask.com of all places? I hope she still had a good Christmas. 

The other piece of The Jan Phenomenon is that all of us, at some point, are The Jan. Princess refuses to even publish her Janniest photo because JUST NO, but here's a photo of child Princess making her Jan face and wearing a very Jan outfit that included mary jane style Keds and purple socks:


OKAY FINE SHE'LL SHOW HER JANNIEST PHOTO:


1 comment:

  1. How dare you call Spottie Dottie a Jan. You're such a Beverly.

    ReplyDelete