Tuesday, January 1, 2013

hipster


The following question has presented itself many times in the recent months: Is Princess a hipster? One has to be careful how one answers this question because every true hipster will obviously answer with an emphatic “NO” followed by a disgruntled chortle, but answering “YES” is a confusing confession since no real hipster would ever admit it unless he or she were doing so ironically. It’s a frustrating Catch-22.

Hipster accusations reached an all-time high when Princess tricked her students into enjoying poetry book presentations by having a “Hipster Coffee Shop” day.

During these presentations, Princess overheard one student describe a hipster as someone who “wears big glasses and doesn’t brush their hair.” Princess had difficulty wriggling out of this definition since she is guilty on both counts, but still, Princess believes herself to be the anti-hipster. She presents the following evidence to support her claim:
  1. Princess has giant glasses, but she got them like, yesterday. This was waaaaay behind the curve, and Princess doesn’t even care. She didn’t have them first, and YES, she shamelessly copied other people. A true hipster would judge her for this, and Princess doesn’t even have the heart to judge herself because the glasses help her see, distract people when she isn’t wearing makeup, and cost her less than $7. Thanks firmoo.com!
  2. She wears Uggs every day and loves them. LOVES THEM. Her fab mom finally replaced her old ones (which she wrote a poem about here) for Christmas, and her feet have never felt more snuggly or mainstream.
  3. Princess likes annoying music. She gets pumped up when she hears Justin Bieber, N*Sync, Wicked, Les Miserables, and Phantom of the Opera. You’ve heard of every single artist in her CD collection, and YES she still listens to CDs because she is too lazy to put them on her iPod (named Nanette), which she can’t find (sorry, Nanette), or her iPhone (Ida B. Wells), which she only likes when it’s wearing a cute case (sorry, Ida). She’s never, ever “discovered” a band or listened to them before they got popular because she’s too busy singing “Want U Back” by Cher Lloyd and remembering the “Oops I Did It Again” dance.
  4. She shops at really obvious places, like the mall, and has most recently bought clothes from Wal-Mart. WAL-MART!!
  5. She jumps on every bandwagon available. Princess read every Twilight book and went to every midnight showing, screaming her tiara-ed head off every time the crowd did. (Note: She still is unsure if she actually liked the books/movie or if she just liked the opportunity to be a part of mass joy.) She was even more spazzy about the Hunger Games (her spindly little arms were sore from the hours she spent perfecting her Katniss braid in preparation for the midnight showing) and TOTES CANNOT WAIT FOR CATCHING FIRE. She went to the Justin Bieber movie as a joke and then ended up being a Bielieber. She watched the Katy Perry movie and may have teared up a little bit. Bottom line: Princess loves being obsessed with stuff, and she thinks mainstream stuff is the best stuff. Current obsession: ANNE HATHAWAY IN LES MIS OHMIGOSH ARE YOU KIDDING SHE WAS SO GOOD. (Side note: Princess has felt bitter towards Anne Hathaway for years—probably stemming from the way people used to compare her frizzy-haired bespecktacledness to “the girl in Princess Diaries before she got pretty”—but after seeing Les Mis, she officially recanted all negativity towards Miss Hathaway and instead has placed all obsessive energies behind her total and complete brilliance as an ACTOR. ANNE HATHAWAY FOR PRES!!!!!)
Any arguments to the contrary will not be heard as Princess is eating chips and cannot hear above the crunching.

Happy New Year from the pups (modeling their Christmas sweaters from Wal-Mart followed by general fluffiness)!

 

1 comment:

  1. so I laugh every time I read your posts. Thank you for helping me get back into the working groove this week.

    ReplyDelete