Hello. We are puppies. Go ahead and nudge your neighbor and talk about how cute we are. We are getting used to it. These two weird people picked us up last week and then forced us to sleep in a laundry basket in a car for seven hours. They kept saying annoying things like, “Ooooh puppy wuppie we wuv yew!” and “Heeey, fluffers let’s cuddle forevsies!” One of these people is a girl and we reeeeeeally like to bite her hair. Her toes are fairly tasty as well. Sometimes she sings songs about our names and dances for us while we try to sink our teeth into those wiggly pig-like toes. It’s pretty fun. The other person is a boy and he does strange things like bark at us and say, “I’M THE ALPHA DOG!” We don’t know what he means, but we’re pretty sure it’s stupid.
Anyway, it’s been a week, and we have done some hilarious things. We take turns pooping on the floor like little pooping ninjas. We have to be very stealthy because that girl with the hair only turns her back on us for like 5 seconds, and that’s when it’s go time. She has this rug with a heart on it, and we especially like to poop on that because she’ll say things like, “The puppies are pooping on my heart!” and then we wag our tails and look so fluffy that she feels compelled to give us a treat. What a sucker.
Here’s our daily agenda:
- Brother cuddle time
- Whine until that girl gets us out of our crate
- Trot around outside
- Fall down because we can't help it
- Pee outside
- Pee inside
- Watch that girl get frustrated and make her a little late for work
- Brother biting time
- Whine until that boy gets us
- Drink lots of WATER! We love WATER! We like to splash.
- Repeat 4 and 5
- More biting
- Eh we are tired of making a list, and you get the idea anyway
That girl took us to the vet last week, and we were kind of freaked out, especially when we saw a ferret in the waiting room, and it crawled out of a lady’s hair. The girl was like “Yikes pups do not look that ferret in the eye or you will get parvo.” Anyways we were all out of sorts after the ferret encounter and our usual floppiness was exaggerated and one of us fell off the table. That girl was all “AHHHH EBENEZER ARE YOU OKAY OHMIGOSH I LOVE YOU” and Ebenezer was like “What just happened.” That’s one of our names by the way: Ebenezer. The other one of us is named Uzi (like Oozie). WE TOLD YOU THAT GIRL AND THAT BOY ARE WEIRD. Anyway, Ebenezer falls down a lot. He’s the floppiest thing you ever saw. By the way, we are not sure which one is Ebenezer and which one is Uzi because, hello, we are like 9 weeks old, and how are we supposed to remember that?
That's us looking adorable at the vet. That girl had to hold us and fill out paperwork AND avoid eye contact with the ferret all at the same time. She told us that this is called "multitasking" but we weren't really listening because we prefer to bite her fingers.
Anyway once Ebbie recovered we decided to bite the vet assistance’s shoelaces. We untied them like 45 times and it was hilarious. She didn’t even care because we were so cute and floppy.
Also today we learned to dig and it was AWESOME. We have dirty faces and WE LOVE OUR DIRTY FACES!
Then Uzi saw his reflection in the window and ran into it like 7 times. That was confusing because we were pretty sure that Ebenezer was the dumb one. Now we aren't sure.
Well we need to go to bed now. (Our paws are getting tired of typing.) We like to sleep like this: