Wednesday, May 23, 2012

work it out

Mood: Fluffy
Nail Color: OPI Baring It in Trafalgar Square + Sparkilicious
Day’s Inspiration: “I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands." Isaiah 49:15-16
It all started with the pancakes. The fluffy, buttery pile of blueberry pancakes that Princess covered in maple syrup and shoveled into her mouth with wild abandon. They were mmm mmm good, and the fact that she ate them at 2 a.m. with her entire family and extra butter made them even better.

The pancakes were so good that they immediately induced guilt, and if you did not know, guilt and exercise are first cousins. So Princess had to exercise. You might as well know that she hates to do this. Princess has no idea what you mean when you say things like “runner’s high,” and firmly believes that endorphins are a lie from the pits of h-e-double hockey sticks. In fact, she would like to propose that endorphins are simply the sensation of guilt leaving the body, but look out because the guilt is coming back tomorrow, and you’re gonna have to work out all over again. Woof.

Really, that’s the worst thing about working out—it's never really accomplished. You have to keep doing it again and again like a habit. Princess hates habits (including the kind the nuns wear) and prefers spontaneity. Yet there is no spontaneity in running. It’s like you put one foot in front of the other quickly, and then keep on going forever. No literally, that’s the definition of running, and frankly, it sounds horrible.

When Princess runs (and she does, occasionally and begrudgingly to balance out excessive pancaking and apple frittering), she has to valiantly fight the urge to sing and dance down the street like Amber Atkins in Drop Dead Gorgeous and kind of like Phoebe’s ridiculous running on Friends. This instinct is only heightened because of a thing called Pandora. Today during the post-pancake run, Pandora played awesomeness such as “How Will I Know” by Whitney Houston, “Boyfriend” by Justin Bieber, “What a Girl Wants” by Christina Aguilera, and “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. The music was so good, so blueberry pancaking good, that Princess decided to stop fighting. She made her legs keep on running (the guilt was strong), but generously allowed her mouth and arms do what they wanted. As a result, Princess SANG and did bratty diva SINGING MOTIONS and FLUNG HER ARMS out when Celine belted, “Yoooooooooooooour heeeeeeeeere, there’s nooooothing I feeear…” and it was GLORIOUS. She is working up the courage to let her legs do what they want, but because that will likely cause triple axels and show choir moves, she may have to wait till school is officially out so she won’t have to hear from her students how weird she looked on the side of the road.

Princess truly wishes this kind of thing were more socially acceptable because she is tired of running away from pudgy pancake syndrome, and would quite prefer to dance away from it. The truth is that in the last year, Princess has exercised (in the traditional sense) much less than she has in the past. It’s just hit her square between the eyes that motivation from unwarranted guilt should not be validated. Instead she’s been on the lookout for motivation from joy by engaging in ridiculous activities. Here is the Official Princess/Pancake-Approved Workout Plan:

Choose any two, three times a week:
  • Take a hip hop/dance/zumba class.
  • Wear neon shoes and play blacklight dodgeball. (Shout out to Princess’ husband, the best student pastor the world has ever seen.)
  • Chase your dog until your dog is very tired. (Tired dogs are funny.)
  • Chase the ice cream man.
  • Chase a random stranger.
  • Engage in a tickle fight with random stranger.
  • Run down the hallway at school when no one’s looking. (Princess has not yet gotten caught.)
  • When a door is about to shut, run up really quickly and ninja through the narrow opening before it closes.
  • Refuse to bring in groceries in more than one load and instead carry everything at once in an attempt to be the valedictorian of groceries.
  • Army crawl to the TV to change the channel instead of using the remote.
  • Perform five minutes of spontaneous choreography with at least 10 jazz squares and constant jazz hands.
  • Sign up for the Color Run! (Best idea of all time.)