Friday, July 22, 2011

crazy eights

Princess has been inexcusably absent, and it may or may not have to do with the fact that she recently discovered her childhood diary and has been dealing with the overbearing anxiety that comes when you encounter your eight-year-old self. (It occurs to Princess that she may likely feel this same way when she stumbles upon this blog fifteen years from now. Have mercy.) If you ever come across the damaging book pictured at your left, do not be fooled by the whimsical serial killer handwriting inside or the pink cover, which features happy giraffes and clocks, which grin devilishly at the secrets inside. (Why this mysterious combination of giraffes and clocks? Princess does not know why, and it bamboozled her eight-year-old self as much as it now bamboozles her 8x3-year-old self. [Eight times three is twenty-four, is it not? Eh, Princess does not care to double-check.])

When Princess cracked open the old familiar cover, her nostalgia soon turned to nausea, which actually happens regularly because, as the faithful readers know (Hi, Brother!), she is a mild hoarder. As she read, Princess re-remembered several things about herself, some of which are traumatizing:

1. She is random.

November 7, 1995
Mom and Dad are gone to England. I miss them already. I’m crying right now. Claire is on my basketball team.
2. She hates to wash her hair.
November 18, 1995
We played. I went to bball practice. We raked leaves. We played. (Sorry I want to doodle.) Today was Saterday. I had to wash my hair. I do not like to do that!
3. She is an optimist.
July 22, 1995
Today I played with Samantha and my puppy. I had fun. Me Phillip and Adeline got in a couple of fights though. Still, I had fun.
4. She loses things.
November 6, 1997
I haven’t written in 1 whole year! I’m sorry. It was because I lost the key. (I still can’t find it but I got it open.) Now I’m in 6th grade. I got braces this April. I’m also going to be in the Nutcracker along w/ Rachel, Tripp, Colin and Phillip! Wow! I am going to try to write you every day.
5. She has excessive guilt.
Every other entry begins with this: “Sorry I forgot to write yesterday.” She ALWAYS confessed when she forgot to brush her teeth. (Once this happened two days in a row: January 21 and 22, 1996. Yikes.) Other entries contain doodles, which Princess also apologizes for in writing. Later, she snaps:
November 18, 1997
I’ve changed my mind. I will write in this diary any old time I want to. It’s mine so I can do whatever I want.
6. She is terrified of Anne Frank.
November 24, 1997
I have decided something. This won’t be an ordinary diary. It will be a book. I hope that someday this diary will be famous, like Anne Franks’. (By the way, A.F.’s movie scared me to death and I had horrible nightmares about them which make me turn cold when I think about them.) I’m going to sleep now (it’s 9:31 and 46 sec.) so good night!
7. She is fickle.
May 9, 1996
Today I can’t tell you a lot about my day because I have to tell you about something else. It’s true that Michael likes me. He wanted to ask me out! (That was the secret.) I said yes, but if he’s mean to me or my friends, I WILL dump him.
---
May 10, 1996
I don’t like Michael.
[Editor's Note: Princess did this to every boyfriend she had until she met Husband/Captain Cuddlecups, who told her how it is.] 
8. She is mean, but not that aware of it.
April 11, 1996 
I need to add Thomas to my prayer list. Many people make fun of him including me. Lowell just likes him because he gives him money. Alyssa too for the same reason.
Apparently Princess is still mean, as just tonight, she laughed at the memory of an old woman getting hit in the head by an umbrella, which fell from the balcony of the theater Princess was sitting in. (The old lady was okay. At least Princess realizes that she's being mean this time, as evidenced by her irrepressible urge to confess to the Internets.) The  theological lesson to be learned from all this: We are instrinsically evil. We have to recognize it and confess it (though not necessarily does this mean the Internet...)
Other memorable diary quotes for your reading pleasure: 
  • “I had a rough day today, but at least I didn’t have handchimes.”
  • “My joke messed up. I am very very mad.”
  • “Today is George Washington’s birthday.”
  • “April babysat us but it doesn’t smell like Christmas!”
  • “I got through the speling bee. I got a medal. I got out on the word abbriviation (i left out an 'i.')"

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