Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Princess is developing a theory that whatever items you may eagerly purchase from Free People and/or Urban Outfitters can simultaneously be found despised, abandoned, and smelling sketchy at your local thrift store. Princess isn’t trying to demean these brands (because obvi Princess wouldn’t turn them away if they offered her free merchandise, and feels morally obligated to like them since they’re earthy and artistic or something), but rather, she is investigating some suspicions she has had of the fashion industry in general for quite some time. And although she’s hinted at her suspicions before, she feels compelled to share them again, because well, she’s seen a lot of conspiracy movies and she thinks she’s on to something.

So here it is: Princess has the sneaking suspicion that the fashion industry is playing a trick on her and other patrons by manipulating them to like things that would actually be considered ugly in any other setting. Seriously. Princess is regularly wondering whether she likes something because she truly likes it, or because someone told her to like it. There have been multiple times when her first instinct to a trend was “big fat NO,” and she then found herself saying, “Do you have this in my size?” This realization has given Princess mad anxiety because she HATES to be manipulated and she HATES to feel like she’s the puppet. Princess must always be the puppet master! It’s in her contract.

Princess’ investigation/imagination has lead to three possibilities:
  1. Anna Wintour has giant trend pinwheel in her office, and she lackadaisically spins it to decide what works for the upcoming season and what does not. Then she cackles when it finally trickles down to the mindless consumers in suburbia.
  2. Anna Wintour has some kind of rotating filing system, so that when something is at its ugliest and most ridiculous, it moves to the front of the file to suddenly be considered fresh and new much to the surprise and obedience of everyone (Princess is looking at you, acid-wash denim and harem pants).
  3. Thrift stores have undercover agents who report back to Anna or Free People or whoever and give an inventory about the clothes that have recently come in—a.k.a. the stuff people have decided is terrible and finally donated. THEN, the fashion industry maliciously brings those items BACK in style (only slightly modified to increase frustration) so that we will have to buy them again, only this time for more money, because of like, inflation, or whatever. (OH MY GOSH THAT’S IT!!!!) Truly, it’s not healthy for America’s hoarding tendency. Maybe the sad people on TLC are just terrified to throw something out because then it’s destined to come back in.
Paranoia? Maybe, since Princess also believes a family of hobos is currently living in her attic. (Fortunately, she also believes that they are friendly.) But maybe not. Lo, some documentation for your viewing pleasure:

*All images from FreePeople.com

1 comment:

  1. this post is so full of truth! i have boycotted some stores simply because i refuse to wear some of the hideous 80's trends that are once again becoming popular.