Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I'M kelly

Princess went for a jog yesterday. She is not one of these joggers we all admire, but rather like the ones we pity, whose faces get too red and whose feet scrape the ground too much. Nevertheless, Princess went for a jog, and she actually began to enjoy it. The heavens opened and the angels started singing and Princess felt like those other more admirable joggers. Even her ponytail looked fab. Imagine the way her heart soared during the second mile when Lion King began playing on Pandora! What bliss!

But then the memories started to creep in. No, not the memory the horrific way Disney murdered Mufasa RIGHT IN FRONT OF SIMBA. (Excuse Princess, she has got to go cry.) Instead she began to relive the memory of her stint as a 10 year old in a singing group she formed with two of her neighbors. You see, these neighbors were older than Princess, and much more glamorous (Princess was not cool at 10, but you probably weren’t either so don’t judge). Therefore, when their singing group (Princess will not give the name of the group because she has deemed it unnecessary to embarrass herself any further) would practice their favorite songs from Lion King, Princess was not allowed to be Simba or Nala. No, she had to be ZAZU. The WORST CHARACTER, like, EVER. Zazu, if you are not familiar with him, is the annoying bird that everyone hates. EVERYONE.

Princess can hear her wobbly 10-year-old voice now, “I’ve never seen a king or beast with quite so little hair!” (Luckily Princess has always been good at accents.) Do you know that when Princess envisions this, she sees herself wearing denim shorts with WINNIE THE POOH embroidery? Can you imagine?

Princess wanted to be Nala! The pretty lion! Why could she not be Nala? (It may have had something to do with the Winnie the Pooh shorts, but you can’t tell a 10-year-old princess that because it would hurt her feelings.)

Strangely, this idea of “being” various characters has always had a fixation in Princess’ mind. As a child, she could not watch Saved by the Bell peacefully unless every person in the room agreed that she “was” Kelly. Because hello, Princess has long brown hair! Like Kelly! (Although brown hair was the ace in the hole for the Kelly debate, Princess abandoned this line of reasoning when it did not suit her. For example, when her friend with long red hair declared—at Princess’ Little Mermaid birthday party, mind you—that she was in fact Ariel because of her long red hair, Princess scoffed. Birthday beats red hair. BOOM!)

Later Princess learned that many other girls were just as possessive about characters. In fact, her friend Erica used to write “Kelly” on every single paper she turned in at school. Princess and Erica have since formed a Facebook group called “No I’M Kelly,” which has a total of three members. Only one of the members is truly Kelly, and that is obviously Princess. Princess and Erica’s friendship is understandably damaged.

Even now Princess has heart palpitations when someone else gets the country cottage in the boardgame Life. Doesn’t everyone know that the country cottage is Princess’ house, and that she takes it very personally when she does not get to live in the fictitious country cottage???

Princess did not jog today.

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